Why giving advice is horrible but everybody is craving it

Some of us sensitive people love to give advice because we truly want to help. But are we helping? At the same time, we also love searching for advice online to help us find happiness and get rid of anxieties. Sadly there is plenty of advice to be found online. What’s going on here? -May 12, 2016

• Do you find yourself giving advice often, to help them?
• Do you hate getting unsolicited advice yourself?
• Are you searching the internet for advice?
• Can you ever find an article online that is not advice?

Advice is a recommendation to perform some action. There are people giving advice and people that given advice. There are many reasons why getting and giving advice is horrible.

Sensitive, empathic and in general peachy people like to help out people that could use help. Because we can tune in easily to the feelings of others we often have a very good idea what the person wants or needs. What could be better than giving that person the advice he needs? Well, I will tell you.

Why giving advice is bad

• While we are sensitive to other people’s needs it does not mean our feelings are correct.
• We can only give advice from our own experience based on our unique history and personality that typically does not match that of the other.
• By giving advice we are putting ourselves above the person that needs advice, and try to take control out of their hands.
• Are we truly giving advice to help the other person or do we secretly want to feel like the saviour or get some form of credit for it. Look at me being aware of everyone’s needs?
• Will the person you give advice to truly be helped? Doesn’t he need to come to his own conclusions in order to have learned to cope with certain situations? If someone asks us for advice, are we not robbing him of a learning experience by giving advice?

Why seeking advice can be bad

1. The fact that we feel deeply and sense another person’s need does not mean that our feelings are correct or that the other person even realises his own feelings and situation. By giving advice you are suddenly identifying yourself with that other person. What right do you have to merge yourself with someone else unsolicited?
2. The advice we give is based on what we’ve learned from our own experience; from situations of how our specific personality with our unique history experienced a situation. I’ve often been advised to go to what turned out to be noisy, loud, crowded restaurants with spicy food. All things that do not fit what I consider a nice restaurant.